honor
Well here it is - the anniversary of a day so difficult that I can barely allow myself to think of it. 1 year ago— I said good-bye to the greatest man I have ever known, my dad. It was a very suprising and very sudden death. None of us knew he was so sick and yet the Father allowed us about a month to say good-bye to him as he headed home to be with his great heavenly Love and his true earthly love. It was not enough time….saying good-bye was so hard and something none of us were ready for. All of my brothers and myself truly thought that when he went into the hospital in early October that he would come home and preach again. Maybe he knew he wouldn’t but we thought he would. There is not one day that goes past without me thinking of him and missing him. There is not one day that my brothers (one of them at least) call or text me something about him or something they know he would say to me. I have often thought about how much I wish I could spend just one more day talking to him and asking him things that I am wondering so desperately. However, I know that it is not possible yet…the one thing that I know that my entire family can do is honor him. Dad was an incredible man— not just to me but to everyone who knew him. I have never heard anyone ever say anything even half bad about him…..He loved people and he loved God so much. As I write this blog- my heart aches from missing him so terribly. I am blessed to have the memories that I have and to know for sure that my father loved me and knew how much I loved him. It has been such a hard year- a year of very difficult things for me personally—a year of finding out that not everyone is who you think they are…a year of hurting because of needing my parents to be there for me as I ended a very difficult marriage. A year that has had some dissappointments that I am still working through….realizing that there are people who are not honoring my fathers memory has been so difficult. I’ve tried to think what he would do if he were put into the difficult situation that my brothers and I have felt and yet— I hate thinking about it because I know how very much it would hurt him to know ….at a time when he should be remembered and loved- it has been hard to see what sin and greed can do to people. It is so hard mostly because I know that his heart would be broken if he knew how his children had been hurt. It is something that all of us have prayed so hard about Daddy never saw bad in people- he looked for the good. He taught each of us to look for the good- and each of us have and are trying. This year has taught me how sin can cause people to forget those they should remember and so I have been praying for peace from this situation and I know it will come. I know that my Father is not hurting now and I know that God will handle all that has happened on earth. I am thankful for the years I had with my father and I am so thankful for the life and goodness that he instilled in his children. I long to see him again and I believe in time I will. I know that this is only the first year and I know that I still have so much growing and learning to do. I know that God is with our family- I know that God is looking over us. I am such a work in progress and I know that my goal now is that during the start of this second year to learn that I do not have to worry about my dad knowing the bad things that have happened here on earth— that he is better off than any of us here and to be able to find the peace that I know he would want me to have. I miss him every moment and pray that I am learning to be all he would want me to be.
